


stop being dumb (title tbd)

by Shocking_Numbers



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Doritos - Freeform, Fluff, Gen, bros, but it's so small, do it for the doritos, if you squint there is implied rosemary, kind of, mentioned wedding, sticky situations, vending machines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 17:04:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4027894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shocking_Numbers/pseuds/Shocking_Numbers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TG: cool<br/>TG: cool<br/>EB: …<br/>EB: you got your arm stuck, didn’t you<br/>TG: please send help</p>
            </blockquote>





	stop being dumb (title tbd)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KameKazeXII](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KameKazeXII/gifts).



> someone teach me how to code omfg

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering etcoBiologist [EB] at XX:XX-

TG: what would you do if  
TG: say  
TG: i hypothetically got my arm stuck  
EB: stuck? i guess it would depend in what.  
EB: cause if you get your arm stuck in a chair, i’m going to laugh.  
TG: what  
TG: no  
TG: what kind of a person do you even take me for  
TG: only toddlers with their fat stubby arms get their arms stuck in chairs  
TG: so  
TG: you basically  
EB: hey!!!!!!!! man, if you hypothetically got your arm stuck i’d leave you to it if you said that.  
EB: and getting my arm stuck in that chair only happened once!  
TG: thats what they all say egbert  
TG: the jury is going to be left to ponder a decision  
TG: whether or not john egbert is guilty of getting his arm stuck in a chair  
EB: this is stupid. :(  
TG: dont interrupt the judge john  
TG: thatll get you more jail time then you probably already have stacked up sitting until it can slap you in the face  
EB: …  
EB: but am i guilty or not.  
TG: jury says guilty  
TG: but back to my hypothetical dilemma  
EB: okay, what was the question again?  
TG: what would you  
TG: john egbert  
TG: do if i  
TG: dave strider  
EB: you don’t have to say our names i think we know them.  
TG: hush  
TG: if i  
TG: dave strider  
TG: were to hypothetically get my arm stuck  
EB: uh…  
EB: guess i’d try to help you out  
TG: cool  
TG: cool  
EB: …  
EB: you got your arm stuck, didn’t you?  
TG: please send help

John sighed in exasperation with his best bro because honestly, who gets their arms stuck and then decides to text their friend a long, drawn out conversation that barely addressed the problem? A few more texts with Dave revealed that he was in the lobby of the hotel they were situated in for a close friends wedding. At least it wasn’t a long way to head. John slipped on a pair of well worn yellow sneakers and exited their room, the door closing with a soft hiss behind him.

“I can’t believe he got his arm stuck!” John shook his head as he walked down the halls that all looked the same throughout the entire building. He wouldn’t be surprised if people often got lost around the vast place, and he’d be lying if he said he, too, hadn’t once been victim to their twin looks. “What a dork.”

John hurried to the elevator when he saw the doors open, and he bet he could just take that one rather than wait for another elevator. He slipped through the doors before they could close, and he quickly reached out a hand to hit a button labeled ‘L’ for Lobby. John nearly feigned when he saw the amount of buttons lit. Why did the one other person in the elevator with him need to go to so many floors?

“Hey,” The other person said. She grinned at John and pointed somewhat near the buttons. “When it gets to floor three could you tell me?”

John nodded slowly and leaned against the wall. “Sure can do.”

After every stop floor, the doors peeled themselves open, waited a solid thirty seconds, then closed. Descend a floor, open doors, wait, close. Descend, open doors, wait, close, repeat. John was sure he would die of old age.

“Third floor,” he mumbled.

“Gee, thanks!” The girl walked off, swinging her bag in her hand. If John never was stuck in a elevator with her again, it'd be too soon. Finally, he reached the main lobby, and was able to jog around, looking for the vending machine with his friend attached. John swore, he’d never seen something funnier than his best bro, arm up and vending machine, fingers barely brushing over the stubborn package of Doritos.

“A little stuck there?” John asked, a smug grin on his face.

“Oh my fucking god dude just get me out of here.”

John obliged, albeit slowly, thing his time strolling over to Dave, his grin growing. Sometimes his friend’s were absolutely ridiculous. With this thought in mind, John pulled his phone from his pocket.

Dave’s face flushed of color if it could get any lighter, and he pointed his free hand at John. “Egbert, don’t you dare. I will throw you into lava, don’t think I won’t.”

“Say cheese!” John exclaimed, snapping a photo. It was mostly Dave fumbling to hit his phone away, but it was enough to satisfy John. “This is stupid.”

“No way. I hadn’t noticed that at all. I was completely oblivious to the idea that having an arm stuck in a vending machine was even vaguely stupid. Wonderful observation. Do you really need those glasses, because it seems you see perfectly already!”

“Oh my god just shush or I’ll leave you here. Rose won’t be happy when her own brother doesn’t show up for his wedding.”

Dave rolled his eyes, visible without his shades. Rose insisted he take them off of she’d smack his head hard enough for them to fall off. H’s agreed with a groan, but he didn't really mind making Rose happy.

John sat on his knees and shrugged. “So, can’t you just pull it out?”

Dave brought his free hand up to his cheek. “Really? Oh my goody goodness! I hadn’t at all thought about trying to get out. Thank you, Mr. Hero. I can now go home to my husband and kids and dog and my house with my little white picket fence. It was actually really expensive for it to just be decorative, really.”

“Dude.”

“Yes, I tried. The machine almost fell over and killed me. Like, move over guns and sharks, vending machines are dangerous as fuck.” Dave claimed. “Just hold the machine, please.”

John nodded, standing and bracing against the vending machine. The glass was covered with easily visible finger prints, and John wondered if people ever hit the machine in rage when their snack didn’t fall out. Considering the position Dave was in, he was fairly sure people had.

Dave tugged his arm slowly from the machine until he made a ditch effort and pulled as hard as he could. His arm slipped free, and he fell backwards onto his behind which John immediately laughed at, using the machine as support.

“Thanks for the help, but my Doritos.” Dave whined, gesturing to the machine.

John rolled his eyes, sticking quarters into the slot and hitting the number Dave previously had. He watched as the pack Dave wanted fell into the slot along with the one John had just paid for. He tossed both bags at Dave and smiled.

“You. Owe. Me.”

Dave shrugged, grabbing his chips and standing up. “Cool. But I have Doritos now, and we need to be at the wedding in like half an hour.”

“That’s a ton of time.”

“The drive there is 20 minutes.”

John paused before grabbing Dave’s hand and dragging him off. “We’re going to be so late and Aradia is going to glare you while Sollux smacks me.”

“Fashionably late, as always.”

John groaned.

**Author's Note:**

> i will prob rewrite this someday it sucks entire butt
> 
> EDIT 5-28-15: edited it so it wasn't a giant block of text and added a summary cause i forgot the first time
> 
> EDIT 6-1-15: I tagged and submitted this entire thing from our shitty school wifi so i just fixed up things i missed the first two times


End file.
